Vinesh Phogat goes from having little motivation to being enthusiastic about wrestling.

Vinesh Phogat is preparing for the Commonwealth Games . The former world number one wrestler has been struggling since the Rio Olympics .

It begins as a self-deprecating joke.But as Vinesh Phogat begins to peel off the layers, she reveals the extremes she had to face in order to get from a dark, dark corner to the mat of wrestling.She went out on the 400m track a few months earlier to test her stamina by running as many laps as she could in three minutes, the length for one round of wrestling.I could not even complete one lap!

Vinesh was repeatedly pummeled by wrestlers much smaller and lighter during sparring sessions.She laughs as she unhones mujhe utha, utha ke maara (They threw me around).Her next move was to Istanbul in February, where she took part in the Yasar Dogu International.The former world number one wanted to see if shed had to start from zero all over again, but her findings were much more concerning.The fierce fire within her seemed to have doused her.

I didn't feel anything haarna hai, jeetna hai, or khelne aayi hoon (win, lose, have I come to compete?)I was confused, as she explains in another universe.If someone took two points against me, I would of gave up easily rather than fight back.Vinesh claimed that winning the selection trials for the Commonwealth Games on Monday gave her reassurance and relief that everything is on target.However, months after the Tokyo Olympics, the thought of giving up had become a regular event, which must be frustrating for a wrestler whose game is a blend of chutzpah and doggedness.

In Tokyo, the mental torture was what broke her.Vinesh's campaign ended in the first round, was later rejected by the federation for alleged indiscipline, and in an eerie piece for, she recalled how she was left broke after being mocked in the process.I was so sluggish mentally, I thought, chod do sab, nahi karni wrestling.My body wasn't waking up and my mind had given up.

But something within me kept me going for a second shot.You can call it the inner voice, or whatever else, that drive has always been present.I thought, let's see where this takes me.Dekhenge kya likh rakha hai kismat ne.

And many more to return to something that resembled her peak.Vinesh was not the self-doubt, low-confidence wrestler that shed into it a year ago.She was flying high, passing through almost every opponent in her way, winning titles, climbing the standings chart, and becoming one of the favorites to win a medal in the 53kg class at the Tokyo Games, which sparked some dissatisfaction with the wrestling federation.Vinesh would have given up, she admits, but the idea that the opponents she had consistently defeated before had finished on the podium gave her some confidence to move forward.

I know there are some flaws.She smiles, gir, gir k seekh gaye thoda, the progress of self-monitoring progressHer diary, which she often updated until last year, has no entry after the Olympics.She now has evidence that is much more useful in her comeback journey.Vinesh monitors every tiny detail of her workouts: the rate of her heartbeats while running, sprint timings, the average speed of the 400m laps she performs, and her speed when battling.

It's all about self-confidence for me, too.I'll be a great performer if I'm feeling good.I get confidence from running, and she shares a glimpse at the other side of elite sport, which HD cameras and flashlights do not often capture: the long hours of training alone, far from the spotlight, in places that are far from glamorous.Vinesh weighed in at just a few pounds 53 kg, the recommended weight for the week.At the Lucknow gym, she lifted weights, ran sprints, and sat for hours on the mat, but it took a while before I stopped leaking points and started scoring some.

It gave me a surge in confidence.When doing strength workouts, say in weight lifting, I noticed some improvements.My attacking speed increased and I was able to run two 400m laps in under three minutes, she says, adding that her concussion is also on the mend.It made me feel more confident about myself.Back to 70% Vinesh was inspired by her success that had brought her to a place where she could compete once again when she went to the selection trials for the Commonwealth Games, her first full trials since the Olympics.

Vinesh laughs as she believes that if we put the same effort into the CWG trials the, bhaisaab, we might well reach a different level.Despite the improvements she's made in the last few months in terms of fitness, Vinesh is also vulnerable due to a lack of match preparation.Everyone saw a way to attack me.I haven't seen 11 girls do a trial in my age group, so I'm guessing everyone was in the mood to attack.

Vinesh is no longer consumed by the prospect of winning.She maintains that it is vital, but that is also vital, but that is in search of self-satisfaction and joy.She claims that victories and medals would be a side-effect of her efforts.She claims that she reached 70% of her previous averages in the trials.

To keep for six minutes at the same intensity throughout a session, I must continue to work more.I haven't reached that point.I am not putting pressure on myself.She says it will all happen gradually.She is instead relying on other significant gains.

She says, I am calm and excited to wrestle.I am enjoying life once more, there is no cost.Thats what I find the most important about the book.The author is an assistant editor at......................He tweets at...